When autistic children respond to corrections or reprimands by doing something they know adults dislike, it can be attributed to several factors related to their communication abilities, emotional understanding, and how they manage stress. It’s important to understand that these responses are not meant to hurt or deliberately challenge but are instead a result of their lack of skills in handling difficult situations. Below are some common reasons behind these reactions.
Difficulty Understanding the Context of the Reprimand
Many autistic children struggle to understand the purpose of a reprimand or correction and do not always clearly grasp why what they did was wrong. Rather than viewing the reprimand as guidance for improvement, they may feel unfairly attacked or fail to understand what is expected of them. This confusion may lead them to engage in behaviors they know are disliked, as a way to express their frustration or discomfort.
Coping Strategy for Stress or Anxiety
Receiving a correction can be highly stressful for an autistic child. The anxiety caused may lead them to react with challenging behaviors as a way to release the built-up tension. In such moments, doing something they know others dislike may become a way to channel their distress, as they lack more appropriate strategies to deal with stress.
Lack of Strategies to Communicate Emotions
Autistic children often face difficulties in identifying and expressing their feelings. When reprimanded, they might feel frustrated, sad, or angry but lack the words or skills to communicate these emotions. As a result, they may resort to actions that provoke a visible reaction, even if it’s not positive. This becomes a way for them to express their distress in a manner that others can perceive.
Sense of Injustice and Desire for Control
For some autistic children, a reprimand or correction may feel unjust, especially if they don’t clearly understand why they are being corrected. In such cases, the need to regain control of the situation may lead them to challenge the rules as a way of balancing the context and reclaiming some power in what they perceive as an unfair or uncontrollable experience.
Reaction to Sensory or Emotional Overload
During a correction, the child may feel both emotionally and sensory overwhelmed. Raised voices, intense body language, or the pressure of the situation can push them into a state of overload, resulting in a challenging response. In these moments, their ability to think rationally is compromised, and they simply attempt to release the tension to alleviate their discomfort.
Seeking a Predictable Reaction
Many autistic children require predictability and may act in a way that allows them to anticipate others’ reactions. By doing something they know others dislike, they seek a known response, as this gives them a sense of control. Even if the reaction is negative, the ability to predict what will happen helps them feel less lost in a situation they don’t fully understand.
Seeking Attention, Even Negative
In some cases, the child may be seeking attention. If they feel they don’t often receive enough positive attention, they might learn that acting defiantly guarantees an immediate response from adults. For the child, negative attention might be better than no attention at all, and the behavior becomes a way to ensure someone is paying attention, even if it’s to correct them.
Difficulties with Theory of Mind
Theory of mind refers to the ability to understand that others have thoughts, emotions, and intentions different from one’s own. Some autistic children struggle with this, making it difficult for them to understand how their actions negatively affect others. When corrected, they may be unable to empathize with others’ feelings or grasp the emotional consequences of their actions, leading to responses that seem defiant but reflect a lack of understanding.
Scenario Example
Imagine an autistic child playing dangerously, such as throwing objects in the air, and an adult says, “Don’t do that, it’s dangerous!” The child might not understand why something they enjoy is being prohibited. In response to this discomfort, they might pick up another object and throw it again—not to challenge the adult’s authority, but to express frustration or anxiety or to seek a predictable reaction to better understand what is happening around them.
How to Support Autistic Children in These Situations
To help autistic children manage these reactions, it is important to focus on teaching them alternative skills to express their emotions and strategies to reduce stress. Recommendations include:
Provide clear explanations:
Clearly and simply explain why a behavior is dangerous or inappropriate, avoiding making the child feel personally attacked.
Validate their emotions:
Help the child identify and validate their emotions (“I understand you feel frustrated because you can’t keep doing that”) so they can learn to express them more appropriately.
Offer alternatives:
Provide alternatives to release tension, such as a safe physical activity or a breathing technique to help them calm down.
Maintain a calm approach:
Avoid exaggerated responses or punishments, as these can heighten anxiety and escalate challenging behavior.
Anticipate situations:
Prepare the child in advance for potentially stressful situations by explaining what might happen and how they should react.
With time and proper support, autistic children can learn better ways to manage frustration and communicate their emotions positively and effectively. Patience, understanding, and a positive approach are essential in helping them develop these vital skills.
Recommendation for Parents
It is essential to understand that if the child is already in a state of emotional crisis or a “tantrum,” this is not the appropriate time to try to correct their behavior or reason with them. In these situations, follow these steps:
Wait Patiently:
Allow the child to calm down before intervening. If necessary, ensure they are safe to prevent them from hurting themselves or others, always using gentle movements and a calm tone of voice. Avoid shouting, punishing, or reacting negatively, as this will only intensify the crisis and make it more likely to happen again.
Act Positively Once Calm:
When the child has calmed down and you have also regained your composure, that is the ideal time to address the situation positively. Speak calmly and clearly, validate their emotions, and offer appropriate alternatives for expressing how they feel.
Model Calmness and Self-Control:
Your ability to remain calm in these situations is crucial. Children, especially those with autism, are highly sensitive to the emotional tone of the adults around them. If you demonstrate self-control and serenity, you will be modeling the behavior you want the child to learn.
The Importance of Parents Learning to Stay Calm
Helping a child manage their frustration starts with managing your own emotions. Here are some key reasons to work on this:
Conveying Security:
When you are calm, the child perceives that the situation is under control and can feel more secure.
Preventing Escalations:
Strong emotional reactions from adults can intensify the child’s crisis. Staying calm reduces the risk of escalation.
Teaching by Example:
Children learn by observing. If they see you handle stressful situations calmly, they are more likely to imitate that behavior.
Preparing to Intervene Effectively:
A calm adult is in a better position to address the situation, analyze what happened, and offer constructive solutions.
Suggestions for Managing These Situations
Practice Relaxation Techniques:
Techniques such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or visualizing a peaceful place can help you respond to the child more effectively.
Anticipate Crises:
If you know your child’s triggers, prepare emotionally before a challenging moment occurs.
Seek Support:
Talking with therapists, teachers, or support groups can provide additional tools to handle these moments.
Remember, every crisis is an opportunity to learn. If you approach these situations with patience and love, you will be helping your child develop skills that will serve them for a lifetime. Calmness and a positive approach are your best tools.
